Trying on my Own
Almost 15 years on, It is hard to believe that someone that you have spend almost your entire life with is suddenly gone, you find various avenues for your emotional release and finding various ways of dealing with loss. It is something that each individual had to fight alone.
Dealing with Loss and Grief
No one can truly appreciate the uniqueness of the journey each of us take when learning to live without either your child, father, mother, wife, husband and parents or soul mate of many years.
From what I have experience, time has not healed but it has certainly modified my pain and loneliness. They say, time heals and it has definitely allowed me to slowly adjust to the ‘new living arrangements’ and has given me a chance to reassess my life from another perspective – trying everything on your own. This is not a simple process and one has to take time but over time, you will become stronger – a strengthening process that will continue to give you burst of confidence and ownership of your new life.
Let it Go
In my personal adjustment, I have finally learn to “Let it Go” of what I couldn’t control. It is difficult but we need to press on with what we need to do, can do and enjoy doing it. As the saying goes, it is vitally OK to spoil ourselves and most importably, be kind to our own body.
I have found it necessary to take time out when I needed to and allow the memories that sneak out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks to flow without interruption. It is healthy to respond to sorrow in this way; real friends will be happy to join you in times of your need.
Doing things on your own
As time went on, I realised that I was totally responsible for myself. That is when I choose not to become a burden to anyone, including me. I had to go for regular exercise, ate healthy food intake, re-energised my sleep, wonderful family time, having fun with fun friends, being creative and proactive. At the same time, I spent time alone for reflection especially out in nature, which are all very important for our soul. Life is still so precious and there is so much to live for. We all have unique gifts to share.
Understanding of others
You got to experience it to know it. For those who have mourned have reached a new and greater understanding of love and how priceless it is. Our journeys have given us greater empathy and sensitivity, especially to others who mourn. We have greater compassion now, and can connect with others in more meaningful ways because of our personal journeys.
For my journey in loss and grief, I took time out to revitalise when I need to by taking a long walk on the beach, listening to uplifting musics, meditating, having a coffee with a special friend and sharing life with family.
A new Life
As I went on, I began to experience a new kind of love and life. Nothing will replace the warmth, security, intimacy and glow of love that you shared with – your children, parents or loved one. Those beautiful memories will last our lifetime. However, there are folk in various situations who will need love and will give love in return. To me, when I am down, my therapy was to help someone else. The joy and fellowship of being there for others has significant benefits. It has helped me to get over difficult personal hurdles of pain and loneliness. Being there for others will help you to learn and grow, as well as meeting new people.
Over time, I was surprised to learn that I have developed new knowledge and skills and I was so grateful for the victories of each day and the learning curves I have gone through. l became to realise and know that I can and was able to survive and live a quality new life. I have lived the life the way I felt, no matter what I have kept it real. Yes, it was time to do it on my own and now was the time for me to take control.
Go out and About
I have stepped out of my comfort zone and join many other local community groups for volunteering. I think, I have never look back. The companionship, fun, hard work and rewards that come from working in the community were profoundly just incredible. Many times, it has frequently reminded me of good times I had with my loved ones doing similar things but I can contribute again and have fun in a similar setting. It has brought me unexpected source of personal fulfilment as according to Marianne Williamson, “We do not heal the past by dwelling there; we heal the past by living fully in the present”.
I will continue to hold precious memories of my loved one. Their enriching of my life remains an integral part of who I am now. I wish to laugh as long as I breath and love as long as I live. I know, there is still a special place for me in this life and I want to live it to the utmost.
My wish is that many who have lost a loved one, may find your special place and have inner joy, peace and total well being, as you also create new pathways. Always be sure you have fun and laugh a lot on the way, as you build a rewarding life that is uniquely YOU.
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